International House of Dan: June 2006

Friday, June 02, 2006

A Letter From The President

I think they got their terror watchlist confused with their donor list, but somebody at the White House thought it'd be a good idea to send me the following (I'm editing my name for privacy reasons, I don't know some of you):

"Dear Daniel T________,

I am looking forward to seeing you on June 19th.

It's important to recognize the wonderful folks like you who are the backbone of our party.

So I want to take this moment to say 'thank you' for your hard work.

Aside from honoring your commitment to our cause, this year's President's Dinner will serve as a launching pad for the crucial midterm elections in November.

Please read the enclosed letter from Majority Leader Frist and Speaker Hastert - it has all the details - and then make arrangements to be with us on June 19th.

Join me, along with your Republican leadership, for a special evening on June 19th.


George W. Bush"

So first of all, I'm not going. For two reasons: I have been working very hard for a very long time against everything these people stand for, and I don't have the $2,500 each seat costs. Now for some fun excerpts from the Frist/Hastert letter:

"We're going to fight back against the far-left '527' committees that have been viciously attacking our values.

We'll counteract the 'mainstream' media that have been force-feeding the American public with liberal propaganda.

We will expose the Democratic Party as nothing more than an angry group of left-wing demagogues with no ideas, no vision and no principles...

...We want to take this night to not only recognize you for the role you played in electing President Bush and our Republican Congress, but also to galvanize our most effective supporters from across the country as we head into this critical election season....

...They really have no agenda whatsoever other than saying they are against everything you and I are trying to accomplish.

Unfortunately, they do have one thing: cash. And lots of it.

Those far-left '527' groups that came out of nowhere in 2004 are back, raising money at an incredible rate from the usual suspects - big labor bosses, Hollywood elitist, and billionaire foreign investor George Soros...

Dinner tickets are $2,500 each, and a table of ten is $25,000. And, while we've reserved a place of honor for you, seating is limited...

...Sponsors who send a contribution of $150 or more will receive a personal note from the President along with a limited-edition, matted photograph.

And Honorary Co-Chairmen will be sent the note and photograph along with a special collector's, limited-edition Presidential Plate for a contribution of at least $500."

The humor and the irony should be self-evident to anyone who knows me, but I'd like to stress my three favorite parts of it:

1. Do Republicans think they're getting a deal at a $25,000 table or are they incapable of multiplying $2,500 by 10?

2. Are they really auctioning access to the President with "collector's, limited-edition" plates? What is this, an infomercial? Maybe if they'd said it was "guaranteed to appreciate in value!!" I'd reconsider...

3. The people in charge of nuclear weapons, national security, taxes, dams, the space program, and just about everything else, could not figure out not to send this ridiculous fundraising letter to a registered Democrat who used to work for "big labor bosses" and donates money to a number of "left-wing 527's".

Sleep well tonight, my friends. I'm quite certain the President will.