Augusto Pinochet, 1915-2006??

Former Chilean dictator and disincentive to future tyrants everywhere, Augusto Pinochet, suffered a heart attack that is being described as "life-threatening". I write "suffered" in all hopes that the attack did not take place during his sleep, or that if it did, was painful enough to wake him.

He is said to have received his last rites. It is my understanding that when a Catholic man is unable to confess during his last rites, he is to be absolved only where evidence of contrition exists. If Pinochet has ever apologized for his many crimes, I must not have bought a paper that day, or watched the news at all that week.

Pinochet will soon join fellow deceased and disgraced despot Slobodan Milosevic as an example to leaders the world over, that impunity cannot be maintained forever, and that justice for their crimes will stalk them so intensely that death will not find strongmen in military uniforms, but friendless and pathetic old men. Last rites... at least lawyers are required to defend unsavory sorts...

Mitch Hedberg, 1968-2005.

One of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg has died of a heart attack at the age of 37. Hedberg's long hair and sunglasses fit his mumbly and stage frightened delivery of one-line comedy, which was reminiscent of Steven Wright's. I'm not sure what else to write about this, other than to express my sadness at his passing, and include some of his jokes, which are not for everyone, but which I find to be hilarious.

"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

"My roommate says, 'I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first."

"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know this lady who'd be really mad if she heard me say that."

"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me."

"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish; they just want to make it late for something."

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Peter Benenson, 1921-2005

The founder of Amnesty International, Peter Benenson, died last night in Oxford at the age of 83. I didn't know much about Mr. Benenson, which is to say I knew who he was, and not much else. I heard the news on the radio this afternoon, and read up on this man who has done a great deal to advance the cause of justice in the world. As he lit a candle wrapped in barbed wire, the symbol of AI, during the organization's 25th anniversary, Mr. Benenson explained:

"The candle burns not for us, but for all those whom we failed to rescue from prison, who were shot on the way to prison, who were tortured, who were kidnapped, who 'disappeared'. That is what the candle is for."

I encourage everyone to contribute to Amnesty International, it's a good organization doing important work. I regret not having known about Peter Benenson sooner, his story inspires me to believe that one person apparently can change the world.

Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005

I don't really know what to write about this, other than to say that the man was a huge literary influence for me. I now have no reason to check out Page Two on ESPN.com, where I enjoyed his unique blend of fiction, sports, and political commentary. Anybody who enjoys my writing, in terms of style, subject-matter, etc., would likely enjoy Thompson's "Hey Rube".

On the 15th he wrote what I suppose is his last column, but I am optimistic that something he may have had in the works will turn up. Thompson's death leaves many fans stunned, as did Arthur Miller's on the 10th. They say these things happen in threes, but I hope we can make it out of February without having to endure the loss of another legendary writer, it has been a weird enough month as it is... but as Thompson himself said, "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."